Taking the leap. It feels more like a grand jete but a lot less graceful. A cannon ball feels more accurate. If it works out, I will label it an act of faith and if it doesn't, then it will be that stupid thing I did when I was 40. The jury's still out.
Oh ya, the leap was that I quit my job. I didn't mean to. I really didn't. What I meant to do was reduce my hours. I was looking for a little more balance. But when that didn't work out, the conversation that ensued resembled a beautiful melody - the kind that leads you somewhere. This particular melody led to my resignation. And for the first ten days following, I felt awesome, powerful and happy. I was actually surprised how good I felt. There was even a little more spring in my step. This must be the "right" decision. Right? Then fear came crawling in slowly. I hope I didn't just put my family in jeopardy. Will there be enough? Did I make a mistake? I have to stop evaluating my decisions based on how I feel in the moment. That's a hard way to live in the world.
The truth is I made a bold choice. One that my family supports (bonus!) and that was talked about at length even though I hadn't made a final decision until that day. Now it's my job to live into the decision rather than turn away from it like I'm bracing myself against a cold wind. I will have more time with my son before he starts kindergarten and more time to develop and promote "Dance Like Nobody's Watching". And I'm taking my own advice. I'm working it out thru dance.
I attended a wellness fair yesterday to help get the word out about DLNW. I was feeling self conscious going around talking with people about my vision even though I have clarity about it in my heart. Somewhere between my heart and my voice, I pick up doubt and self consciousness. And when only a few people got up to dance during my workshop, I decided to dance thru my self conscious feelings. They didn't go away, but they were tolerable. (The feelings that is, not the people). The thing that surprised me after dancing was that below my feelings of insecurity was the clarity that I felt more like myself than I had in a really long time. And that felt really good.
So as I embark on this mission of mine to create more and more opportunities for people to dance, I have to be willing to hold the space until more people join me. Until then, I will keep showing up and holding the invitation to dance.
