So I was home today because my son's school was closed for snow. I was having the familiar guilty, conflicted feelings I always have when I have to call in to work. I wrote down what I wanted to get done today and put some music on to clean the kitchen. I had this great idea for a blog. I knew I wanted to write about it today and I added it to my list of things I'd like/need to do today. Five hours later I sit down to write and I can't remember any of the inspiring things that came to me while listening to "Diamonds on the Soles of Her Shoes" in the kitchen. I'd like to say that doesn't happen a lot but I'd be lying. I know I can't always stop what I'm doing to follow my inspiration but I need to at least write down a note or two. Maybe that would help. I'm sure if a scientist studied that part of my brain that is stimulated by the inspiration, it would be nowhere near the long term memory center. I have found that to be true during emotional process work as well. I've had deep realizations that feel like game changers in my psyche and if I don't write about it to solidify the experience more deeply, I can lose the lesson. I know my body will remember, but I don't always have the mental ability to recall the insight.
Lack of inspiration isn't my issue. Just the other day I thought, it would fun to create a beyblade group for my son or I should email the PTA about the idea I saw online about an art project that celebrated each unique individual at the school and I'm always holding space for the performing and healing arts space I want to create. So what is the missing link from an idea and the manifestation of that idea. I know a lot have been written on the subject, but what is it for my specific brand of resistance?
And just like that - I remembered part of my earlier inspiration. And promptly lost it as my son asked me if he could play with his tablet. Ah yes, avoiding disappointment. I started thinking about the last time I was really excited about something. Really looking forward to a project, event, anything. I was really looking forward to spending Christmas with my family this year but that was all I could come up with. When did I start shielding myself form being disappointed? It happened little by little. Most of the time, I didn't even know I was doing it. What made me notice it? I started meditating everyday for a short time. My negative thinking was really becoming a problem. Do you ever get sick of your own thoughts? I sure do. I've only been consistently meditating for forty-some days (which is a lot for me) but I started noticing a connection between my bad attitude and lack of inspired action. What if I let myself get really excited about something? Anything? And take small actions toward that thing. Not enough to freak me out, but baby steps to move me closer to realizing that excitement. I could allow myself to get as excited as I see my son get about things on a daily basis. I may be disappointed. I may even get my heart broken. But that is the kind of life I want to live. This emotional safe one is kind of a downer.
If you could pick one thing to get excited about, what would it be?
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