The word mindfulness always seemed a little off to me. I mean, I get the concept. Being more conscious, as opposed to mindless or careless. But when I'm letting go of thoughts in my head, doesn't that make my thinking mind LESS full? Semantics I guess.
There have been three particular experiences that have left me without thought. Times where being in the moment almost seemed mandatory. And it is these times that are most special to me.
The first is a space I've experienced a number of times and that is while dancing. I have a dancer's spirit and find that in the dance is where I feel most at home. It's my purest form of expression. Believe it or not, rhythm tap has a profound way of quieting my mind. It must have something to do with its percussive nature and inherent musicality. I love when you are practicing a piece your body is still learning. Especially one that is fast. You can't help but be in the moment. When a thought pops up like, "You are never going to get this next phrase."" Then you mess up. It happens without fail. Conversely, the thought might be, "You are doing GREAT! You've got this!". Then you mess up again! The process of switching from brain to body memory and back again is fascinating to me.
Maybe that is what all three experiences have in common. The body and the senses take precedence over thinking. It's a nice change from the normal mind chatter.
The second experience only happened once. I attended a gathering at the National Cathedral in Washington, DC a number of years ago. The Dalai Lama was in town and I had the pleasure of witnessing Tibetan monks chanting for peace. The beautiful sounds filled the Cathedral and my heart. It blew my mind. No thought could enter.. I felt so grounded and centered and excited all at the same time. I could feel the sound. Afterwards, I thought "This is way better than me sitting in meditation at home. If I had these guys with me all the time, I'd be enlightened in no time!"
The third is not something that felt quite as good, but was just as beautiful if not more so. That was labor. The kind right before childbirth. I remember trying to remember what my doula had taught me about positions, breathing and techniques that were taught to help the pain. Then came the moment of surrender where thinking and words became useless and it was time for my body to take over. I couldn't think my way out of this one. Nothing I could do was going to be better than surrendering - to my body, to nature, and to the consciousness of millions of women that have done this before me.
And so I take these gifts with me as mile markers on the journey. Precious gifts to a chattering mind.
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